Are you ready for the zombie apocalypse?

Cause these people are....


Zombie Workout: Get Fit Enough to Fight the Undead


So I'm perusing the interwebz today, and I go to wired(dot)com, cause I'm a bit of a tech junkie. I skip past articles about shitty new iphones, shitty politicians, and shitty other shit, that i couldn't care less about, and right there in the middle is the top article of the day, a zombie workout....


My first thought is why the blue fuck would a zombie work out? We don't have a pulse, so cardio is unnecessary. weight lifting is a waste of time, because our muscles are mostly atrophied, besides all that, there aren't enough 24 hour gyms to accommodate our nocturnal way of life. Then, on top of that, you got zombies abusing steroids, you got zombies pulling hamstrings and shit. Have you ever seen a zombie pull a hamstring? Trust me, it's pretty fucked up.

But out of sheer curiosity I clicked the link and found that it was not zombies exercising, preparing for wart against humanity, but people, humans preparing for an impending zompocalypse. People jumping over obstacles, some shit called parkour. People doing resistance training and acrobatics over fucking foam pads.


For some reason these people think it will make them healthier, happier, and live longer. They think they are superior to the zombies, just because they can run faster, jump higher, and fuckin lift weights better than us. These healthy, jumping, running, physically fit people think they can easily turn a horde of fat, bloated, and hungry undead, into malnourished, feeble, and fleetingly less effective corpses.

We'll see about that. Die young, make a pretty corpse. That's my philosophy


In any case, well played, Humans. Well played.

Just a reminder...

Who the HELL does Micheal Bay think he is?

Who the HELL does Micheal Bay think he is? Remake a Freddy Krueger movie? Sounds like it might make a gazillion bucks, let's do it. The only problem is that it FAILS at being enjoyable. I think he used the same stock voice-over leftovers from megatron as the voice of Freddie. This movie sucked. period. There were a COUPLE of cool parts, a couple of cool kills, but for the most part this was a sleeper for me, until the abrubt and VERY predictable jump scares, that didn't really scare anybody in the whole theater. I don't want to spoil it for anybody, but the only part that got me really interested is when Nancy figured out they might be wrong about what they thought they knew about Mr Krueger. Unexpected twist? Maybe so, Maybe no. Some of the gore scenes were really the only redeeming thing about this movie. But for the life of me, I can't figure out why, every time there is a scene in the boiler room, Freddie's claw emit sparks every time he touches the fucking pipe. It's a horrible effect. Is he made of electricity now? That shit could come in handy, for say, lighting my grill, or when the flint runs out in my zippo, or maybe a bar trick i don't know. Other than that, its fuckin stupid and useless, and a poor effect. And why the hell does Freddie look like a burned up ass lion? I know he's a burn victim, but I didn't realize they were casting somebody from CATS THE MUSICAL to play his part. In conclusion, I wasted fifteen bucks and two hours of my life, that I will never get back, just to see some pissed off, burned up, lion man with a megatron voice, shoot sparks out of his claws, and completely deface a horror icon. Thanks a lot Micheal Bay. Shithead. Shoulda seen DATE NIGHT instead.

EPIC FAIL

Being a zombie isn't easy......

I wish I had time to blog. Instead I work a twelve hour graveyard shift, either four or five days a week, depending on the disposition of the gods of lumber, commerce, and weather. I also have at least three or four little monsters, er I mean kids, running around here somewhere......where are they anyway?.....and I have a girlfriend who, for some reason, expects that I spend time with her. The nerve of some people, right? Kids want you to play with them, girlfriend wants you to play with her. And between them and my job, and my ever demanding XBOX UNDEAD account, that doesn't leave much time for blogging, vlogging, clogging. perusing of interwebz, and rarely do I ever get to enjoy a good flogging.

I cant count how many times I've been at work, or driving, or doing some productive thing in some cemetery somewhere, and some creative electron fired through my rotted synapses, and was then lost to my attention deficit disorder before it made it from my discombobulated brain to my clumsy, decayed zombie fingers.

Oh well. I guess I'm just as content with or without a constant flow of creativity oozing from my corpsey pores, onto the interweb. It doesn't matter. I'm happy just the way things are, even if I never find time to post another zlog again.

Soon to be a major motion picture release.....My two crazy kids Matthew and Christian take on the role of their lifetime....

IN....

ZOMBIE CHILDREN FROM OUTER SPACE...

My internet is back alive.

I forgot to pay my internet bill. So they turned my shit off for a few days, forcing me to be somewhat productive, and spend more time with my otherwise neglected and caged children and girlfriend. Now that my interwebz has risen from its grave, its back to your cages you go.

Now if I could ever pry myself off of my Xbox 360, I might actually start trying to do something with this blog.

Movies, Music, Unrelated Musings

What the fuck is a Brain-eating Zombie Frankenwolf Monster for Mars? Its my blog stupid. Thats all, just a name I made up because "Brain-eating Tattooed Arachnoid Zombie Frankenwolfmummy Serial Killing Monster Cannibals from the Planet Mars" was too long to fit into the title.

I have about 75 horror movies, both old and new, timeless classics, and troma-tic cheesecore disasterpieces that I own, and have never watched or some I have never even unwrapped. You, misread that. I have 75 horror movies that I have not watched. I've got about 300 fucking million more that I own, that I have seen.

I wanna do something that nobody before me has ever done. Nobody except for the millions of people who actually have done it...nevermind about that first statement. Imma watch movies, and Imma fucking blog about it.

That's what this blog is about. If I hear some awesome ass psychobillyhorrorcoredeathpunkshockrockdeathmetal or some shit, I may post a blog about that too. Or if I read something fantasticly fiendish somewhere (which is highly unlikely, due to the fact that I am an illiterate fucking zombie), I might unload that here too.

I'm really actually going to try to keep up with this blog, and I'm really going to try to keep it on topic, so stay tuned. If I ever make it past the 75 unwatched DVD's on my shelf, there will surely be more to come.