Are you ready for the zombie apocalypse?

Cause these people are....


Zombie Workout: Get Fit Enough to Fight the Undead


So I'm perusing the interwebz today, and I go to wired(dot)com, cause I'm a bit of a tech junkie. I skip past articles about shitty new iphones, shitty politicians, and shitty other shit, that i couldn't care less about, and right there in the middle is the top article of the day, a zombie workout....


My first thought is why the blue fuck would a zombie work out? We don't have a pulse, so cardio is unnecessary. weight lifting is a waste of time, because our muscles are mostly atrophied, besides all that, there aren't enough 24 hour gyms to accommodate our nocturnal way of life. Then, on top of that, you got zombies abusing steroids, you got zombies pulling hamstrings and shit. Have you ever seen a zombie pull a hamstring? Trust me, it's pretty fucked up.

But out of sheer curiosity I clicked the link and found that it was not zombies exercising, preparing for wart against humanity, but people, humans preparing for an impending zompocalypse. People jumping over obstacles, some shit called parkour. People doing resistance training and acrobatics over fucking foam pads.


For some reason these people think it will make them healthier, happier, and live longer. They think they are superior to the zombies, just because they can run faster, jump higher, and fuckin lift weights better than us. These healthy, jumping, running, physically fit people think they can easily turn a horde of fat, bloated, and hungry undead, into malnourished, feeble, and fleetingly less effective corpses.

We'll see about that. Die young, make a pretty corpse. That's my philosophy


In any case, well played, Humans. Well played.